People with the Names and the Sounds and the Confusion-Making and the Headache-Causing

Listen, people. Stop it with the names that sound the same but are just barely different, alright? Between myself and Emily, here's a list of some girls we know:

Shalayne
Chalyce
Charisse
Sharee
Shirene
Sharookwanoonaynaynaynay Elizabeth

Can guess which one is Canadian/fake?

This reminds me of the first time I visited DC back in '04. I was approached by this gawky teenager dressed in hand-me-downs from the 80s. He invited me to this play that his religious organization was putting on that night at the National Mall, about a talking, suit-wearing ant who tries to warn humanity of impending doom, but nobody listens to him (and understandably so -- suits can be very off-putting). I had to run to catch up to my sister later that afternoon, so I expressed my regrets and shook his hand as I started to leave.

"What's your name?" he asked.

I quickly replied, "Mark."

"Marf ?" (And people wonder why I go by my nickname more often than not.)

"... No. Mark. With a k."

"Oh."

"And yours?"

"I'm Zerubbabel!"

Zerubbabel. Now THERE'S a name that's never going to be phonetically toyed with.

Protect your babies. Name them Zerubbabel.

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