I'm Not the Only Dust My Mother Raised

This song, as of the post date, is for everyone else.

Mind you that I'm preparing for a big party performance on Friday and haven't touched a guitar since August.

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Engagement Photos: Who (or What) is the Focus?

It's fairly often that I get a wedding announcement in the mail and end up rolling my eyes. When I get a picture like the one below, I feel like the announcement itself should say what is inherent in the couple's pose, so I did some editing to express this. (Note: I don't know the people in the picture.)

I know that most couples aren't actually thinking this way when they take the shot, but I think if everyone stopped and really thought about what happens when the ring becomes the center of the announcement, they'd find the following:

1) It detracts from the PEOPLE in the picture, the ones we should be celebrating.
2) It's either a really nice ring that shows off your wealth, or it's a really poor ring that isn't worth showing off.
3) It's cliche, cheesy and unnatural.
4) It detracts from the real purpose of the photo: a medium by which the groom's friends can check out and determine the bride's level of hotness.

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Dreams: The Sharkmobile Returns!

I'm standing in a kitchen, chatting with my brother Cabeza, when he mentions that a very Indiana Jones-esque world has suddenly appeared down our garbage disposal. Being the skeptic that I am, I decide I'll take a gander for myself. Upon staring down into the sink, the drain opens up into a window and I find myself gazing upon an underground city, filled with ancient ruins. The most prominent landmark of this city is a temple whose entryway is a giant skull with a wide, open mouth and a tongue that also serves as a ramp (good to see that my dreams provide wheelchair-accessible facilities), with a rather large diamond resting in the middle that gleams rather brightly so as to be noticed from some distance.

Cabeza mentions to me that it's a shame the city, which apparently pops up in random places temporarily, has shown up at a time that we are unable to access it, and of course this whole conversation is completely logical to me in my dream state.

That's when I rather unexpectedly drop dead.
(This post is actually extended! Click the below link!)

In a moment of panic, I realize that I exist in ethereal form, and for some reason I am standing outside the gate to the Ancient City! No sooner do I conclude this than a digital-yet-diegetic, two-dimensional box appears above me, asking if I want to enter this city. I click on "No," thinking that this will allow me to resurrect in the "real" world, only to find that the powers-that-be have decided instead to resurrect me on the spot I'm standing on.

As soon as I feel my spirit once again entombed by my physical body, I realize I am only at 25% health and EXTREMELY vulnerable. Realizing I have to find a way out of this place, I begin making my way through some dark, rocky hills -- on a general course heading AWAY from the city -- only to find myself repeatedly slaughtered by hostile two-legged, erect-standing creatures. Each time I die the box comes back, but no matter how many times I click on "No" I end up in the exact same place I was when last I died.

My progress severely slowed down by this seemingly-endless onslaught, it is only a matter of time before I find myself joined in this terrible world by my old roommates: JBod, Dar, Isaac and Mitch. Uncertain about what this new comradery means for my fate, my surprise at their cameo is interrupted by the arrival of my old car, the Sharkmobile, which comes screeching out of nowhere and squeals to a stop in front of me. All five of us enter the vehicle (Dar, Isaac and Mitch in the back, JBod is shotgun, and I'm behind the wheel) and peel out, narrowly avoiding another series of vicious attacks.

Once clear of the land surrounding the Ancient City, the landscape becomes much more Utah-esque. In fact, it almost seemed as if I was on Main Street in Lehi, headed towards my parents' place in Eagle Mountain. I also notice that JBod has decided to sit in the middle seat -- right next to me -- rather than the actual shotgun side of the front bench in the Sharkmobile. The roommates in the back all lose it laughing (especially Dar) when they see the look of disgust on my face and the awkward grin on JBod's as I push him away and out of my personal bubble.

After that it gets even fuzzier. Eventually we end up at an airport, but instead of hopping on a plane I get on a ferry with my newfound Asian girlfriend, and the last thing I remember is the ferry leaving port while she and I are trying to find a way to avoid her parents who have also boarded.

Analysis: Oddly enough, a lot of the elements of this dream have real-world connections for me.

• The Ancient City, I believe, is a result of my perusal of an article I found yesterday that shows a picture of Harrison Ford in his Indiana Jones garb, taken on set of the upcoming film. The entryway to the temple, I believe, is a reference to said film's title: "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."
• My ethereal form, repeated deaths and resurrections, and the box with the dialog is a reference to World of Warcraft, which is a game I play when I need to unwind. I haven't played in a few weeks, though, which is why this reference is a little more obscure than perhaps the others are. I'm surprised this was such a large element in my dream, as the only time I've even thought about this game recently is when I was thinking the other day about how glad I am that I have more things to do in life than sit around and play WoW all day.
• The roommates pop up because I have been chatting with all four of them within the last week online while at work. The Sharkmobile comes as a result of my recent discussion with Isaac about the car's current status (it was purchased by a mutual friend who wanted to fix it up and re-sell it).
• I'm not sure why JBod was so content to be up close and personal with me, especially since he recently got married to a pretty cute girl. I guess you never really know, sometimes...
• The Lehi/Eagle Mountain leg of the journey may be from some of my last thoughts before going to bed that night, which were of my parents.
• The ferry comes from a discussion I had over the weekend with my friend Megan, who I visited in NYC. She suggested that, while I was there, I should take the Statin Island Ferry for something fun to do (which, as a side note, doesn't mean much to a Seattleite who frequently used the ferry as a means of traffic flow to another side of Puget Sound).
• The Asian girlfriend somewhat threw me off, as I don't consider myself to be more attracted to the Asian Persuasion than I am to other races, but it may be another NYC reference, where I took note of several cute Asian girls as I was booking through Chinatown to catch my bus back home.

Conclusion: I'm somewhat excited for the new Indy flick, I miss my roommates, being in New York has lasting effects, and it's probably good that I'm not gaming much these days.

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Sky Mall: The Time Mug

Featuring an off-camera guest appearance by Cabeza.

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Flashback: Me and My Shadow

This is a little diddy that won me and my friend Adonis first place in my high school talent show back in 2000, the year I graduated. I choreographed the whole thing, too!

The end has a part cut out because the person recording us didn't realize we were going to be performing an encore and therefore didn't plan for it.

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The Baseball Metaphor

We're all familiar with the old baseball metaphor when it comes to dating, right? I assume we all are, though honestly, until a few months ago, I only knew what First Base and a Home Run were. I did some research to see what Second and Third bases were and, in case you're a good Mormon kid like me, I wouldn't recommend doing the same if I were you -- because reading the descriptions of what happens once you turn past First can be violating if you find them in the wrong place!

When first I found out what those other two bases were, however, I realized that this baseball game is on a terribly skewed playing field. I decided to take some time at work to do a quick computer sketch of the Dating Baseball Diamond (or "Fornication Stadium") , based on the world's definitions and what I think is the perspective of the average LDS dater:


This isn't a perfect representation, but note that, due to the new running pattern, the batter has to basically knock the pitcher over once he hits the ball!

I'll now attempt to explain the representation without making my mother blush (which might actually take some doing):

Home Plate: In the actual game of baseball, this position is already an enigma in that it represents the beginning AND the end of the player's journey. In the dating game, Home Plate is first a starting point, where the player swings and misses more often than he hits. He can't proceed to First Base until he "hits it off" with someone (finds someone with mutual interest).

Conversely, at the end of the running Home Base represents all-out adultery. The fact that this is a goal in the world's eye is depressing, but the purpose of this post is not to literally lecture on the downhill spiral of contemporary dating standards.

First Base: This represents a kiss, innocent and simple enough. The distance between Home Plate and First Base represents the myriad of things that must happen before that kiss happens: once interest is established (and running begins), dates happen, hands are held, cuddling occurs, etc. It's understandable that there's some ground to be covered before real physicality is introduced to the game/relationship.

Second Base: Okay, THIS is where the metaphor stops working. In the world's definition, this means that petting has begun when the runner reaches this point. PETTING.

Does anyone else see the problem here? What happened to all the other steps between First and Second Bases? If this base is truly what I've read it to be, then there should be SEVERAL bases in between! Ethics of dating standards aside, shouldn't a French kiss have its own base somewhere in the middle there, followed by an all-out make-out session?

In the above representation I have adjusted by placing a large distance between First and Second Bases, the gap representing the process that should occur before any couple even gets to that point. In fact, if I were to re-draw this facsimile I would make the distance from First to Second much larger than the distance from Home to First.

Third Base: Without going into too much detail, this is basically Second Base with greater intensity. I find it silly that this even gets its own base given the large gap between First and Second, since to me this is a very logical "next step" in the lusty list of temptations. I don't think it takes long at all to go from Second to Third.

Home Plate: Back where he started physically, but metaphysically the player is in a completely different stadium, where the grass is dead and there are pot holes all over the field, and the stands are filled with Hollywood producers. I think once you've reached Third Base there really is only one more step to take, thus another short distance between plates.

This explains why so many Church leaders caution against going past First Base. Once you're on your way to Second, you're so close to making it all the way Home that the playing field has been perverted.

I hope my drawing properly conveys why this analogy just doesn't work for me. It doesn't make sense that second and third bases would be the logical "next step" in any relationship when the playing field should look like THIS if the plates are labeled in such a manner.

And I'm kind of scared about what sort of Google searches my blog is going to show up in now.

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What Happens in Vegas...

An attempt at Mormon cinema.

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