For clarity's sake: no, we aren't associated with THAT golden calf.
We get a lot of beef (no pun intended) because of that guy. But he's old news -- we're the real deal, and by far more valuable. At least, that's the idea we get when we're strutting
down Times Square while onlookers collapse and gaze in awe.
Applications for love are currently being accepted.
*Please note that neither the Shark's calves, nor their owner, condone the worshiping of calves in any form, gold or flesh, animal or manimal.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
From the Calves: Identity Theft
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5 comments:
Personified calves remind me of an idea I had once for a short story where I guy suddenly realizes that his arm is talking to him.
At first it's pretty cool. The arm gives him good advice with girls and stuff, and he's just a cool guy to hang out with.
But then the arm gets a little to big for his own skin. He decides he's too cool to hanging around with this dweeb and he tells him so. The arm begins to get really critical and cruel in his biting commentary to the protagonist's life. It begins to have some really bad consequences. The protagonist starts subconsciously at least, to believe some of the mean things his arm tells him. His self esteem disappears, he falls into a depression, and begins to suffer from terrible social anxiety. His work suffers to the point that he loses his job. His girlfriend (originally the handiwork of the arm) leaves him. His roommates move out, he can't afford to pay the rent and is faced with an eviction notice.
That night, some missionaries from some church stop by and leave him with a bible. In his desperation he begins to read the sermon on the mount. It's when he reads the "if thy arm offend the" verse that things get really interesting.
But I could never figure out were to go from there.
Anyway, I hope your calves don't offend you. They don't offend me.
Your character sounds schizophrenic.
Cook - I think your story should end with an avuncular fellow living in California amputating the arm of the guy.
Actually, Warren, that's one of the options I considered.
And you get points for using the word avuncular.
Said avuncular fellow should be operating out of the living room of his San Ysidro apartment.
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