90210

I made this for a skit I wrote and performed in front of my local church congregation over the weekend. The premise of the skit was that I was the only member of a group of people who didn't know the words of common TV show themes such as "Duck Tales" or "Fresh Prince," but I awkwardly tried to sing along anyways, always disappointing by throwing in the wrong lyrics. When someone calls me out on it, I claim to know all the words to "90210," which they scoff at (since the show's theme had no words). I proceed to apparently make up a theme on the spot, which makes no sense, and they tell me to sit down as they flip on the TV to find the new "90210" series on. The audience hears the actual theme song:

Nothing amazing, but a fun little project I thought I'd share.

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Casting a Shark Biographical Movie: Mom, Part II

My dad sent me a photo of my mom at a younger age, and here are the results:


This time around gave a few great options for actresses who could portray a young version of my mother. Bryce Howard, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Charlize Theron are all good actresses who, with proper makeup and hair dye, could play my mom pretty well, I think. I am partial to Julia, mostly because I've seen more of her fun side that tells me she could reflect that important part of my mom's personality really well.

Cabeza also recommended that Present-Day Mom could be portrayed by Sally Field. An excellent suggestion, I think. Sally has this sort of motherly persona about her these last couple of decades, and she's super-cute to boot. Possibly a better selection than Wonder Woman, and most likely a better actress.

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Casting a Shark Biographical Movie: Ted and Amy

It seems that, after two excellent experiences finding matches through MyHeritage.com, the luck has run out for my sister and brother-in-law:


What a horrible list of results! Tom Welling?! JASON PRIESTLEY?! Come on! Give me someone who actually LOOKS like Ted and can act decently! Donny Osmond does NOT look like my brother-in-law!

Upon thinking about it, I actually really liked the idea of casting Brendan Fraser in the role, if he were to bulk up a bit and have a good director help him increase his range on camera. But I don't think that's a perfect fit. Ted needs someone who is big, tall, burly, and can change from being abrupt and aggressive to goofy and sarcastic, and sometimes even a sort of "gentle giant." Ted jokingly told me not to consider Jack Black in the comments of an earlier post. Jack would need to be a little taller, a little manlier, and have a much better acting range in order to fill this part. Fraser is a better choice than Black.

Amy is an even more difficult person to cast. I abhorred EVERY option presented to me by MyHeritage.com. I'm totally stuck on this one. This would need to be a short, blonde girl with a fun personality and who likes to talk, but knows how to lay down the law when necessary. She also needs to be a natural with kids. Any ideas here?

So far I'm thinking that Ted MIGHT be played by Brendan Fraser, but most likely we'd have to cast unknowns for both of these family members.

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Casting a Shark Biographical Movie: Jenn

Another fantastic result from MyHeritage.com (yet a poorly-treated photo -- sorry, Jenn):

Evangeline Lilly! Yes! Most popularly known to the world as Kate on Lost, here's another comparison I had never thought of. She needs to dye her hair red, but she's got the freckles and is downright gorgeous, which makes her an excellent candidate for the role. And, again, I don't think she's necessarily an incredible actress, but she's shown her ability to perform a wide range of emotions and, even though she's younger than Jenn, she could easily make herself look 7 years older than she is.

Melissa Gilbert, who played Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie, would also be a great choice if she was about ten years younger. Though I am unaware of how her acting skills have developed or declined over the last quarter century...

I feel like Molly Ringwald was thrown in there just because of the similar hair color. I mean, really, aside from that, does she really look all that similar to my sister? No way. And she's a little too old.

Amanda Bynes? Ugh...

And although she wasn't an option, Julianne Moore would have worked as well, if she was about ten years younger (her age has really begun to show the last five years or so). A lot of people comment on how much our mom and Jenn looked alike when my mom was a lass in her prime, so it wouldn't be shocking to have the same actresses audition for both parts in some cases.

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Casting a Shark Biographical Movie: Mom

For once, MyHeritage.com gives me a result that blows my mind in how perfect it is:

Lynda Carter! Known primarily for her starring role in the Wonder Woman television series back in the day, I've never even considered how much she looks like a supermodel version of my mother. It's uncanny! At least, it is to me. She's a classy broad. Not an AMAZING actress, but I think with some decent directing and a good makeup/hair artist, she could really fill the role well. She also happens to be the same age as my mother, though I think my mom LOOKS a lot younger than our friend Lynda from recent photos I've been able to find of Carter.

To even the scales of how well they did with the first choice, however, it seems that MyHeritage decided to throw out a few faces in the middle that just don't make any sense. Oprah Winfrey? REALLY? And Katie Couric? Does the computer not take into account how amazingly annoying Couric is? Even looking at her photo is irritating. Sigh.

Julianne Moore isn't a bad option, though. My mother isn't a redhead, but if we dyed her hair and went back in time a few years, I could easily see Moore playing a younger version of Mom. She's got the acting skills and knows how to be fun ("Evolution") and maternal ("The Forgotten" -- and Heaven forbid I ever reference that movie ever again).

That last sentence has made me think of something: could Lynda Carter pull off my mother's fun personality? My mom has a reputation for being downright goofy at times, and was never afraid to play with us (even if we didn't want to be played with). I credit a lot of my crazy antics to Madre and her nutty sense of humor. I haven't seen that side of Lynda Carter yet, and I think that would be an important part of my mom to capture in a film about my life, so she might get the boot if she can't work it out. But who knows? I mean, she DID let herself get filmed in that silly costume for a number of years.

(On a sidenote, I don't like how MyHeritage handled the photo of my mom. They made it look kind of gross... The actual picture of her looks much nicer!)

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Casting a Shark Biographical Movie: Dad

So this is pretty ridiculous:

As much as I'd love to have some sex appeal in a movie about my life, I somehow don't think Kirsten Dunst could really capture the man that is my father adequately.

If I were to pick someone to portray my father, it would be Ned Beatty. Known in my family for playing the part of the bumbling sidekick Otis in "Superman: The Movie," Ned Beatty is actually a very diverse actor who has proven his skill in roles such as the father in "Rudy." In fact, I think the role in that film is what causes me to draw the connection between the two men.

There is a scene near the end of the film where Rudy's parents and brother come to see him in his first (and only) game that he actually gets to play on the field at Notre Dame. His father is in awe when he sees the field, having been a huge Notre Dame fan his entire life yet never getting to see a live game. Up until this point, he's sort of skeptical about Rudy being a real "football player" for the team. But when Rudy sacks the QB, the crowd goes nuts, and perhaps the loudest screamer is his father, Ned Beatty, jumping up and down, pumping his fists in the air and proudly exclaiming to everyone around him, "That's my son! My son!" I actually get really choked up every time I see that part of the climax.

My dad has always been one of the major cheerleaders in my life, sending me constant e-mails throughout college to express his faith in me, and writing me more regularly than anyone else while I was on my mission for two years. I've loved having that support.

So Ned Beatty it is. I think he even looks a little like my dad, which helps, of course.

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Casting a Shark Biographical Movie, Part I

We've all thought this before: "If someone were to make a movie about me, who would get the lead role?" I plan on one-upping that. I'm going to make a series of posts casting all the major characters in a movie about my life thus far (and perhaps in the future, as well).


The above image is displaying the celebrities that supposedly look the most like me. I actually found the link to this site from my friend Martha, who apparently looks like Amanda Bynes, according to a computer.

Best result: Charlton Heston! Who'd have thought? Can you imagine having him portray ME in a film? "Call me THE Shark, you damn, dirty ape!" In all honesty, though, I just don't see it. Heston was a great actor, but his build is too wiry and bony to portray me.

Granted, I think the photo I used is a little goofy. I might try re-computing with a different photo later. I believe the computer focused on finding celebrities with big noses and overbites.

What struck me as funny is that I only knew the two celebrities who were given the lowest percentage in my results! I haven't bothered looking up all of them, but what I will tell you is that my celebrity twin, Yossi Benayoun, is an Israeli soccer player for the Liverpool FC team. The fact that overseas athletes are granted celebrity status on this site drops its coolness factor (wouldn't most people rather be entertained by being compared to Judge Wapner or, heck, the Olsen Twins?), but it sufficed for giving me someone to cast in the lead role of "The Shark Movie":

Gary Busey. Well, he would be cast as FUTURE me, but I could totally see him pulling it off. Overbite? Check. Eccentric mentality? Double check ("Drinking your own blood is the paradigm of recycling." Honest, he really said that.). Plus, he's a proven actor. He's been a villain ("Lethal Weapon"), a nutty private investigator ("The Firm"), and, perhaps the role most telling of his abilities, he pulled off an excellent portrayal of Buddy Holly in the 1978 film, "The Buddy Holly Story".

I was about to delve into my personality qualities that I feel like Busey could capture really well, but I felt like I was typing some sort of profile for a matchmaking website. I'll just end this post by saying that I hope I grow up in a way that Busey could adequately portray me. This is my dream -- nay, my very purpose.

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